I want him
November 1st, 2008It’s hard for a girl to fall in love with the husband of her best friend, they are always together and they should find the right time for passionate sex…
What should I do if I hear that time is the best healer? that you can tell everything to your best friend because it’s gone already?
Some of your memories you better keep to yourself because each time you recall the events of your life you make your heart bleed and your imagination fly. As soon as you try to open your mouth to tell your friend about what happened you start to live it all over again and suffer even more than before. That’s why I decided to write about it; I can’t tell this story even to my best friend…
Each of us has his own measure of satisfaction. I’m writing this for my close people who can understand what I need and what goals in life I have. It’s really hard to tell you about my last years.
I had a lot of desires and aims. Job, moving to another city, my own business… I wanted to do a lot and something I could do, something couldn’t… a usual thing. Every time leaving home I was waiting for a miracle. I was really waiting for something to happen! I needed sex badly as I hadn’t had it for a long time. I often wanted some other men, strange to me…
Seattle! Having spent a month in Seattle I was sure I couldn’t live here. I used to cry at night, write messages to my husband telling I wanted to be back home. And it was me! Me, who had always been able to make friends anywhere!
My group mates were nice people and they supported me all the time. Every evening I would write letters to my relatives and friends. I went for a walk only in my neighborhood and a train journey was a torture for me. And again nothing happened…
As usual I bought tickets for a train to Seattle. This semester was the last and I had to write a diploma work. I was going to do it, really!
I got on the night train and was very disappointed as only men were in my compartment. When I woke up in the morning I saw a kind woman’s face. She was sneezing and coughing. We got to know each other. Kate and Sergio, a family. They were going to Seattle too; they had been living there for two years.
Tell me how to recognize a moment when you start feeling something bigger than ordinary liking to a man?
They were educated people with good sense of humor. I liked them at the very first minute I’d seen them. Sergio didn’t look sexy for me, I even didn’t examine his face very well. Kate told a lot of jokes about her spouse. And we had plenty of common interests with Sergio. I don’t remember what we talked about, but we touched many various topics, nothing vulgar or dirty.
We’d been laughing the whole day. We talked in the corridor standing close to each other. I guess he did that on purpose but I didn’t pay attention much. When we went out of the train at the stations we talked about alcohol and once I said “I fall asleep after a glass of wine” and he immediately responded “I would never allow you to sleep”.
That was IT! The thing I’d waited all this time! It was the spark that came between us at that moment. He was a professional womanizer and this way he let me know he wanted me. But we were on the train and had known each other for 10 hours only and to add to all that his wife was there… I thought we’d have nothing more than a good discussion. But I must confess that I’d forgotten about my diploma work completely!
He stood too close, whispered too often… On impulse he whispered into my ear that we should wait until his wife fell asleep. He kissed me on the cheek. I swear I couldn’t think of anything by that time. I was madly in love with him. I wanted him!!!
We couldn’t wait until Kate went to bed. Sergio went to the toilet and gave me a sign to follow him. I thought I’d tell him how bold he was, that all that was wrong and I wouldn’t go to the toilet with him… But when I approached to him I realized I’d go anywhere and do anything for him. When he pulled me into the toilet everything lost its importance for me. I knew he wanted sex everywhere and any time.
We started kissing passionately. Here I could tell about an incredible sex adventure but I don’t want to lie. When I had only panties and a bra on I remembered I was married and was not ready for making love with him right now. Then he whispered “Please, give me head…”.While giving a blow job I understood I wanted to be fucked by this man, I was eager to do that. We had a simultaneous orgasm though it is hard to believe that. I’d never tasted such a delicious man!
I don’t remember what I felt when I left the toilet. He was polite and tender but I was burning with shame. I tried to comfort myself I’d never seen Kate any more and in my mind I asked her to forgive me. Later I was hysterical: I giggled, cried… Late at night we went to the toilet again, kissed, embraced, caressed each other but I couldn’t go further. That night I was infected by a terrible disease called DESIRE. I was really SICK! The morning was of pink color to me, can you imagine!!!
He touched me all the time and whispered something, then asked my phone number and promised to write to me. The next morning we parted and I danced and sang all day long! My empty rented apartment seemed to me the sunniest one in the city, and the city was the best for me! I forgot about my diploma. Why did I need it?
I had to see him again, to have at least a chat. God! I can’t even describe how I waited for his message or call. I had Kate’s number but not his one. I had no strength to wait and I wrote to Kate.
This way our friendship began. Even now I don’t think that I’d betrayed her for I tried my best to forget about Sergio but I couldn’t. We met with Kate but Sergio left for another city, it was a business trip. To tell you the truth I got tired to be waiting for his call all the time. He didn’t call, didn’t write a message. I think he wasn’t going to do it. We became such close friends with Kate that she spent some nights with me and I could have a sleep at her flat. When Sergio called her he sent his regards to me. I felt very well at those days.
I couldn’t think about my family, house, friends. I didn’t want to write to anybody except Kate. My husband didn’t care much about how I was doing here in Seattle. But my relatives were hurt by my indifference. How could I write them? I was going to stay there forever.
Kate was like a sister to me, we were so similar to each other, though our lives were different. We used to help to each other, to look after each other. I met her brothers, aunt, and uncle. Life was wonderful! Of course besides all that I worked on my diploma work but I wasn’t as diligent as my group mates. I felt very happy with Kate in her village and we sometimes went for walks in the city too.
All the time I thought about Sergio. I wanted to see him and ask why he hadn’t written a word to me. Soon we met at a cinema all together. My knees got weak when I saw him. I was happy! Really happy!!! He was so modest. But when the film began he sat between us and I don’t remember now what the film was about. He fondled my leg and at the end of the film I rushed to the toilet where I had a strong climax! When I came home I couldn’t sleep, I was flying!!! That night Sergio sent me a message and then we exchanged many of them, it was a mobile sex!
I couldn’t live without him, I knew it. He had everything I loved in men. I still have dreams about him and his hands.
We spent days and nights in the village at his house together. Each time when we stayed alone even for two or three minutes he fondled and kissed me. It happened all the time! The evenings were the worst. Every evening Sergio tried to make Kate sleep as early as it was possible and stay with me until late. I made attempts to persuade him it was mean to do things like that and she was my good friend… But his hands made me forget about my attitude to that. He was a pathological skirt-chaser and a selfish person.
All days and nights I was sexed up a lot. I suffered tremendously for I knew we wouldn’t have an ordinary relationship, he was afraid Kate could find out about us. But I gave him heads very often. I don’t know why I allowed him to treat me like that. He rammed his wife behind the wall, then rushed to me, kissed and asked not to leave telling that he needed me. I was very glad for Kate that her family life was so successful and agreed not to leave.
The most amazing is that I was NEVER jealous! Maybe I could share him with Kate all the time… Every day he whispered to me he would die if we didn’t find a place for normal date but we couldn’t. Though my brain tells me now he could be afraid of staying alone with me for a long time. I was so turned on that once had bought so many condoms the shop assistant looked at me with suspicion. He possibly didn’t need it at all but I was on fire each time I saw him. I woke up from his caress, cooked while he was stroking my body. I think he was far from knowing the real number of orgasms I had from his fingering. Now I understand what made me so obsessed with him. He often came up to me and embraced me, stroked my face and looked into my eyes – the whole set of caress for people in love. And he paid so much attention to me. Of course I fell in love with him!
Before my departure we quarreled as he had promised to come to me for a few hours but he couldn’t, or maybe didn’t want to. My last night I and Kate decided to spend together. Sergio had promised to visit me earlier and this waiting was the last drop… He didn’t come, he didn’t call; but in the evening he arrived with Kate to have a sleep in my flat.
I was afraid of that and I wanted that so much! I put up with the fact we wouldn’t be together this night and… was mistaken. We talked as friends, discussed the impossibility of spending this very last night alone and I was going to go to bed. But Kate soon fell asleep and his hands started killing me again. I don’t remember what he was whispering into my ear but I remember each his kiss, stroke, caress… every minute of that night.
This time he was selfish as usual and asked me to help him relax. We went into the corridor and started kissing each other greedily and … he got cold feet again. He fingered me until I had an incredible climax and let him shoot his loads into me. I’m writing it now and terrified by the fact I allowed him to do that with me. I hadn’t thought about the possibility of becoming pregnant. Even now I have to admit I’d be happy about that!
He went to bed. As for me… I tried to cry but… I couldn’t. I had to make a conclusion I’d never regret about what had happened between us.
You know, today I’ve recollected everything I had been thinking before and wanted to achieve. I made up my mind to change a lot in my life.
When the morning came we woke up and found we’d been sleeping on the same bed all together. I realized how close these people were for me. Kate was my friend and a sister; we’d planned a lot. Sergio helped me to discover a desire to live. Though I hated him for many things I knew I loved him too and wanted him.
My seeing off at the train station was awful. We took a picture of ourselves and I realized I couldn’t look at these dear people for me without feeling pain inside. Kate cried a lot. Nobody had ever seen me off in this way. Sergio was playing a fool. It was quite clear Kate’s and my own feelings were real and I didn’t want to leave because of her. And Sergio didn’t feel so lonely and unhappy as I did, it was evident. Men are all alike.
Since that morning Kate and I have sent hundreds of messages to each other. My life has changed. I felt desperate until my husband arrived… Neither my sister nor mother could understand why I was so distressed and told me off every day.
Sergio has sent me a couple of messages. He said he wanted me. I drove a few hints at him that he had to change the topic and talk about some other things… I still don’t understand what the reason was but he has written me nothing since that message. Though what can be a reason for a man? He is sure we’ll never see each other again then why he should write? Probably he feels hurt for something but it’s an excuse for his indifference.
My brain gasps everything but I wanted to believe we were friends… We used to chat a lot and he respected me… and despite the fact he is the only black spot on my heart now and his silence kills me I do believe he is a good person. Who knows may be he is ashamed of what he’d done to me and his wife? But anyway I think he had such love affairs in every city he’d been.
And how can I explain the fact I still want him? There is no way to do that. I want him and that’s all I can say. We have to want something in life!
I don’t care how I’ve abased myself in other people’s eyes. The main thing is that I can respect myself!..
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